Sex, Love and Astral Traveling Part 2
College years were ones to remember for a lifetime. And my early twenties taught me so much!
I was going to go straight into the good dirt of my early twenties. But something is telling me not to go there yet…
First, I will accept this risk.
And go straight to <Him>. The one I recently fell in love with.
Maybe it was lust? Or a Crush? But I know what love feels like and well.
Here it goes:
<He> is charming.
<He> is Athletic.
<His> energy smiles, behind closed doors when no one is watching us.
In fact, <He> is a big goof ball. As I visualize our memory, of our last encounter together this year. Oh this man, 6’ 3 from Atlanta, GA.
<He> has great taste in Music. That is what I find THE MOST attractive about <Him>.
<He> is actually really intelligent, but <He> hides himself from the outside world very well. I never hide in the dark. So, what <He> is hiding will come out to light.
<He> and I both know this is something we’ve reflected in one another. Somewhere on the Astral plane. We created our own world, where our souls could meet.
I am not sure the influence was from the song by ASAP Rocky “L.S.D.” before bed. Or maybe it was the Indica we’d hit together in Calabasas. I believe it was the natural remedy mixture of both our souls connecting together intimately, with one last stroke.
I know this much, though. I will never forget the moment, in broad daylight I was dancing for <Him> in <His> living room to “Juice” by Ycee. <He> will never forget the moment either.
Hold on for one moment.
for some fresh air.
I need to breathe.
My Playlist on Apple Music titled: “Heaven on Earth” was on Shuffle.
I now hear Hillsong’s “Ocean” being played in my ears.
That’s most definitely a sign from the Lord.
I use to think I was in love with <Him>, until I realized I was actually learning to love God again. This time around with all my heart invested into my soul’s greatest healing.
God has been saving me, from making some of the biggest mistakes of my life.
I didn’t get pregnant by <Him>.
I didn’t yell at <Him> when I was upset.
I mentally notated all the red flags of <His> secret body language and actions.
In fact, I pushed <Him> away.
I just walked away, and told myself to not go back yet.
I didn’t go through <His> phone.
Towards the end of 2018, I would have vivid nightmares. These visions were so surreal. I was astral travelling to his Soul. I would see <Him> interact with several different women. The nightmares would not go away. I knew it was <Him>.
The visions of all the women <He> was interacting with.
The Dancer off Ventura Blvd.
The two Strippers giving <Him> lap dances at AOD.
<His> Ex girlfriend.
The Latina on the roller coaster.
I never called <Him> in the middle of night crying of seeing all the women <He> was sleeping with.
These haunting visions would wake me up in the middle night.
My curly hair dripped in water, from the tears rolling down my face, as my head lay on my pillow. Why was I being haunted by <His> mysterious actions that were not my own.
My mind did not understand, but MY HEART did. If you read Part 1 , than you know. I have a Gift to see the truth of what lies are hidden behind the surface. (click below for Part 1).
Earlier this year, I really thought I had disconnected from <His> energy.
I always follow my intuition, and this nudging feeling within my heart kept telling me to go to the Pool Party in the Hills of LA on MY BIRTHDAY: April 27th. I was invited by a friend. She had planned the party, and I wanted to celebrate my birthday so it seemed like a fun experience to get back in the LA community.
I remember those moments so vividly. The moment I arrived, I prayed with my friend. She was feeling weary and so I grabbed her hand and we prayed before we entered the pool deck.
As soon as I let go of my friends hand, she and I began to walk down the staircase to get to the pool deck area of the pool party in the Hills. I saw <Him> from my peripheral vision. I remember just praying before I walked down those stairs, and allowing my heart to be open again to <His> actions. The world of athletes, models, and influencers of Los Angeles.
Not even one minute of walking into the party with my friend, and <He> was already making a stamp on me. So, no other man could walk up to me. It was as if <He> knew I was going to be there.
Only God knows.
I could immediately see after the conversations with <Him>. <He> was hiding something (again). As <He> attempted to sober up, asking if we wanted food or, something to drink? These memories are so daunting. Thinking back to the actions of how after months of not seeing <Him>. <He> is still hiding from me.
Meditate before the high, parts of me that I hide.
Was <He> just embarrassed of me? Even in those moments.
I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The feeling of being scared and fearful of the truth. I remember not trusting <His> swift actions, walking us over to the bar to grab us some water bottles.
A place where I still stood out, but not seeing a need to fit in.
I took a look around, and had a moment where I reflected on the last time I was in LA, around celebrities I worked so hard to be around. I was working on my craft in ‘17. But the difference between 2017 and now 2019, I am not living in the Los Angeles area.
Well I definitively manifested <Him>. Thoughts began to fill my mind, my ego: <He> is still doing the same thing.
I never once spoke up to tell <Him> how I felt about him. Instead, in 2018 I tried to be cute and romantic and I told many of my active followers online to tell <Him> for me instead.
It is what it is.
The results came back clearly. <He> is the same breed as my exes that I have attracted in my past. The ones who like to hit on my friends. Same cycles, different person. A karma I have been attempting to tackle and disconnect from for years. Did I ever allow my friend’s boyfriend’s or husbands hit on me? I guess unintentionally, no wonder the girls from high school keep their distance for me. It’s not my fault I look the way I look. Which, saddens me because I never crossed the line with any of my high school friends. They just moved on in their lives. And I am the last one to get married and have children, by choice.
Okay Universe I see clearly now, the environments played a major factor in what type of people I have been manifesting into my existence.
After attempting to be nice to <Him>. I found out <He> actually has <narcissist> tendencies. I realized after this social media experiment, I was only meant to serve a purpose to <Him>. Which was to potentially become his spiritual healer. Instead, I became a sexual healer.
My heart. My mind. My body. My Soul. NOW know NOT A GOOD IDEA LIZ!
After, I sent everyone on my social media into his DM.
I realized <He> did not have a pretty Halo. Fact of the matter is, I felt I needed to prove myself to <Him>.
I still remember what <He> said to me that triggered me to make the social media actions.
“Liz You know too many ‘n***as.’ We could never be together.” (heart breaks, because he has trust issues).
or maybe it was: “You live in a different city, distance never works.”
To be quite honest, when <He> told me i knew too many black men. My heart crushed. I felt really saddened. He assumed that because a lot of people know me, that made it intimidating on his behalf. During the years of PHHS early 2000s, Lincoln high school had closed down for renovation. So, all the urban kids from San Diego were split going to other high school’s in the district. One of them being my high school.
I guess that answer’s the question of why I know so many black men.
Did you know I attended, pre-school at a young age. And guess what?! My first female friend was a black girl.
I guess my black and brown brothers and sisters could relate to me, and I could relate to them. Because we have similar hair and body features.
The thick lips’
And did I mention my half thick kinky hair and half curly hair :-)
My entire life I have attracted the African and Black communities, because they accepted me. FOR ME. All cultures have. I’ve always felt connected to everyone around me.
I love Hip Hop culture.
I love R&B/Soul music.
I love to dance to any type of music that gets my hips and booty moving.
Especially, Afro beats & Dance hall.
The New Yorkers and Jamacians who live in LA accepted me for ME.
The people in the Ghana community in San Diego accepted me for ME.
The people from Eritrea & Ethiopia accepted me for ME.
And to be quite honest the Black communities always felt like home for me.
I have always been a very dynamic person when it comes to any race or color. I just love CULTURE.
My parents never approved. But that never stopped me from accepting and treating every other race equally.
Lately, I have been focusing on my future self. And I have seen the man in my future.
Guess what, I know the color of his skin: Black. And one day I am going to make beautiful mixed children. Because Mixed is BEAUTIFUL.
But back to my story about <Him>
<He> pretty much DISRESPECTED ME, by sharing that ”I know too many “ni**as.” <He> really hurt me by calling all my followers and admirers who are black and/or brown the N word.
To top things off.
The last time I was with <Him>. He started playing a Latin movie on Netflix and automatically assumed because I am partially Latina that is something I wanted to watch. I was very offended at this moment. I could not believe the racism. For a person, who comes from a strong black background, I did not know that the racism would be reflected upon me.
I had to take a step back and realize, I have never been to Decatur, Georgia so I am unsure what type of breeds are there, because he is the only breed i have known from there. I have always been in environments where the locations had many dynamic influences. Which to me is another breed among itself.
And to be honest. Racism is something we all continue to experience. We live in 2019. You would think it would things would be different around this topic, but there are only a few rare human beings like myself who have had the opportunity to travel the World. But truthfully so many people around the Globe are experiencing racism NOW as you read my Blog.
And I am NOT sorry for writing all of this. This is a strong topic I am passionate about!
For a moment, I had a breakdown, and wanted to lose my sense. But I will keep things classy and write it out by healing.
I have realized that the last time I astral traveled to <Him> was Labor Day weekend.
Within the vision during my dream state of mind, I remember I was approaching a door. I open the door and I see <Him> laying in bed. I walk over and lay on <Him.> I express to <Him> my attempts to move back to LA, but every time I get CLOSE to moving back. Something always seems to STOP me.
<His> response: “How can I trust you if you won’t take Ecstasy with me?”
My reaction: “WTH are you talking about bro. Grow UP!”
Emotional anger as I walk away from <Him>, walk out the door and slam the door behind me.
I WAKE UP
From my “astral vision.”
Half asleep I turn to the right side of my bed.
Shake my head physically, drink a class of water and continue my weekend of Labor Day.
I discovered this song called “Sextasy” by Swae Lee
I guess you could say I was “shook” of the sight of the music video visuals. And of the entire lyrics and messages behind this song.
I might have even see the song being promoted online on <His> Insta Story, but I never paid attention to it back than.
Instead, I have had this song on repeat since last week. Envisioning <Him> singing it to me instead of Swae.
Funny, how one song can eliminate sadden feelings towards your crush.
Whether it’s God sending me a sign through music. I just pray that it might be from <Him>.
Maybe one day when we are done astral traveling to one another, we can create our own world HERE on Earth.
I am learning to get back to be grounded in my energy here in Earth. I guess too much meditation can sometimes send you to another galaxy beyond your years. And I know that I have made several attempts to diconnect from <Him> but I just cant seem to wrap my mind around it.
Only MY HEART knows.
This Blog of segment series within “Sex, Love & Astral Traveling” is truly helping me analyze my own intellectual thoughts of Love in healing through being creative.
I will end the night with this lyric ”Are you still caught up in LA?”
Music by Majid Jordan feat. Khalid “Caught Up”